Make New Friends, But Keep the Old...

At my son's Pre-K graduation, while standing in his miniature cap and gown, surrounded by the children he's known since he was 10 months old, "Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other gold," was sung by melodic 5 year old voices.  There he was, standing next to children who had become like brothers and sisters to him, and I wondered if he understood the meaning of the words to that little song.

I've been thinking about the "gold" friendships, the ones that stay true through the passing of time.  We are blessed with many people who come and go throughout our lives, most of whom making our lives that much better for it.  It is, however, the few "gold" friends - the ones who are there for the marathon rather than the periodic sprint - that we hold closest to our hearts.  These are the people that know us best...and love us anyway. :)

Little Man is very lucky to be going to Kindergarten with several of his best buddies from Pre-K.  Thanks to this, the transition to school, at least so far, has been a pretty smooth one.  From the bus to the classroom to all things new...these little peanuts seem to have each other's backs.  It's been a great start!  Our little Kinder, however, is also very aware of the friends who are not with him everyday anymore.  He often asks about them, and sometimes talks as though he will be seeing them the next day - and then remembers that he won't.  This is the first experience he's had with this inevitable part of growing up.

Fast-forward to this past Saturday.  One of our son's best buddies, whom he had not seen in over a week (as they are now in different school districts), was going to be coming with his family to dinner that night. Of course, to us a week is no time at all, but to two little boys who, to my best recollection, haven't been apart that long in over 4 years, it's a lifetime.  Excitement filled our home as Little Man chattered away all day about what he and his friend would be doing.  He could not wait for 4:00 to come; it was much like the agonizing wait for Christmas morning!  Finally, there was the knock on the door.  It opened, and on the other side was a little boy who had felt the same way.  There was a celebratory exchange of screeches, and away they went, as though no time had past at all.

Watching them laugh and play, I couldn't help but hope that this might prove to be a "gold" friendship - the start of the marathon that will be a lasting bond for these boys.  In my life, I have been blessed with a few "gold" friends and each of them is a cherished treasure.  Just knowing that, no matter what milestones I want to celebrate or obstacles I need to face in my personal marathon, I am never running alone is a kind of comfort that has gotten me through the most challenging of times.  That is my wish for my son and his friends.  May they find many treasures in their new adventures...and may a few of them be "gold."

Too Important Not to Say

Even at five, our little man has been the recipient of many letters.  The first was written before he was born and included things I wanted him to know about how much he was loved from the moment we knew he was coming into our lives.  Then there was the one of thanks from our Bo-Bo Fairy, given to him when he was ready to give up his pacifier (Bo-Bo). It was time to have our Bo-Bo Fairy take it to a new baby who needed it, and she felt he needed to be congratulated.  Since then, letters from us on birthdays and from Santa at Christmas have become traditions in our family.  These letters hold words of love and the recognition of milestones that have been met along the way.  Little Man looks forward to these letters now.  In fact, this past Christmas, truly understanding what an undertaking it is to deliver toys to deserving boys and girls all over the world, he was concerned that Santa might not have time to write a letter since he was so busy.  I felt pretty confident that Santa would come through.

It has become easy to see, that even at a young age when his daddy and I still need to help him read these letters, the written words have had a great affect on him.  He knows we are proud.  He knows his actions are appreciated.  He knows he is loved.  As his mother, I know how important all of this is.  That being said, I'm also a middle school teacher.  After fourteen years with tweens and newly-turned teens, I've seen a lot.  In fact, I've often told my students that they are the subject of a book I've been writing. The working title is The Things I Never Thought I Would Have to Say, But Do In Middle School.  They think I'm so funny!  I'm not kidding.

As my little scholar begins his future in public school this week, I feel another letter needs to be written. This one, however, will not be filled with the warm fuzzies of the others.  This one has a need for practicality and a degree of bluntness that will allow some very important advice - not only for Kindergarten, but for life as he goes through school - to be gleaned.  It will include the following pieces of advice that, as his mother and a teacher, I know he needs to be made aware of and will help him to be successful:

1) Don't feel the need to be perfect.  No one is.

2) Not everything is going to be easy.  Whether it's learning to read, tackling math facts or climbing the rope in P.E. - just keep trying.

3) Please use a tissue.  Please do not use your hand, your sleeve or the paper you are giving to your friend or teacher.

4) You will come across bullies.  It will happen...and most likely it will be when an adult isn't right there to help.  I know this can be scary, but I don't want you to be an audience to this. Don't just let it happen. You don't have to say a thing to the bully.  In fact, I wish that you wouldn't.  He or she probably won't hear what you are saying anyway.  The person being bullied, however, will be straining to hear ANY kindness in that moment.  Be THAT voice.  Be his or her friend.  Will you be best friends from that moment on? Maybe not, but your kindness will be remembered - and on a day when you need it - maybe it will be returned.

5) Use your manners.  A simple "please" and "thank you" make more of an impression than you think.

6) Please revisit #3.  Seriously.

7) If someone asks you to do something that you know is wrong - whether it is unkind or unsafe - say, "No."  If you feel you need a reason, use me.  I'm happy to be the "mean mom" if it gets you out of an uncomfortable situation.

8) School is not a race.  You do not need to be the first person finished to show how smart you are.  Take your time and do things well.  Take the time to show what you know.

9) Part of growing up is realizing that you may not choose to be friends with everyone with whom you have to work.  From peers to adults, I know it can be difficult to work with people when you don't see things in the same way.  Yet, you need to be respectful and willing to work together when necessary.  Your future teachers and employers will find much value in this skill.

10) Mommy and Daddy have spent a small fortune on school supplies.  Please keep them out of your mouth.  Nothing is more gross than chewed up pens, pencils and marker caps that are covered in spit.  Nothing except...well, once again, please see #3.

That's all I have.  If you can think of any gems along the lines of "If I knew then what I know now...," it would be fun to see them in the comments below.  Feel free to add!

Welcome! It's Orientation Day!

The beginning of many new beginnings this year for us, today was Kindergarten Orientation.  It turns out, as many friends who have made this journey before us shared, not a big deal for the little man!  It was, however, a day of mixed emotions for me.

First Day

My little boy.

Walking...unsure...to the doorway.

I feel your hand search for mine

and wrap around my fingers.

Suddenly, I am transported.

Past days, over months, through years...

to when I first felt your tiny hand

stretch to hold my smallest finger

in an effort to ground yourself

in a moment when you were surrounded

by the unknown.

In an instant I knew you were 

my heart.

Each sigh, every cry

was music.

Each wiggle, every snuggle

was magic.

Each breath, every movement

a miracle.

My miracle.

A smile...

I see your smile.

And I'm drawn from my memories -

from what seems only minutes ago.

To today,

and your hand,

so tightly squeezing mine.

Loosens...

I look around at other mothers lost in time.

Releases...

And off you go to meet their miracles.

My little man.

Phew!  Nothin' like a little cathartic free verse.  Yeah...I'm totally bringing tissues to the real first day next week!